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When you first enter a relationship, sometimes you hit this stage where you want to be around that person all the time. You would probably watch them pee if you could you just love them that much. You want to know every detail about their person, every story they have to tell. Eventually, that need starts to wear off. Eventually you need to breathe your own breath again, eventually you need space.
Right now you may be thinking “No Julia don’t say that! That’s a bad word”. We have all seen relationships end because someone “needed space” but that’s not what I’m talking about. Take a deep breath and press on. I’m talking about good old personal time and space. It’s healthy to take some “me” time and here’s how you can do it before you suffocate in your partners embrace or you suffocate your partner.
Identity Crisis
When some people get into relationships they tend to have a small identity crisis. They take on a new title and therefore mold their being around that title, “I am now X’s husband”, “I am Y’s girlfriend”. Though you may have a new title and be very happy and content with said title, don’t lose yourself in it. Co-dependence is not better than independence. You can still be your own person and like your own things! You can be alone. It’s going to be okay.
Time to have a chat
Once you notice you or your partner may be feeling a little suffocated, maybe go to lunch, bake some cookies, brew some tea and have a chat. In a calm, friendly voice explain to your partner that you have noticed a sense of overwhelming togetherness and you need a bit of alone time. Reassure your partner that this is not a breakup, that you are indeed happy with them if you are indeed happy, and that you both would benefit from doing things you enjoy separately and that it’s actually healthy and okay!
What can I do?
Now that you both have talked things over and understand that this is not a negative decision but a positive one, it’s time to decide what to actually do. Here are a few ideas;
- Pick up a new book and dedicate a set amount of time to reading alone
- Pick a series on TV or Netflix and watch one episode by yourself
- Go out to lunch or dinner alone
- Take a hot bath and relax, maybe add some bubbles
- Go have a beer with your friends
- Play some video games
- Go for a walk or run
- Volunteer once a week for your community
- Write a really good article for Couch Rider Report
Happily Ever After
Once you start taking time for yourselves you may actually notice that you and your partner grow a bit closer. Taking time apart may make you appreciate the time that you spend together even more. You will have exciting new stories to tell and interesting movie plots to relay. You can finally breathe on your own.
I would love to hear some topics that you guys would want to read about, feel free to leave me a comment or email the page!
Julia Parsons is an Analyst for Couch Rider Report. Follow her on Facebook and Follow/Like us on Facebook or twitter.
