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Each of us will probably be in a few intimate relationships, before we settle down with “the one”. These relationships will all be unique in their own way, and we will be drawn to different people for different reasons. The one thing we can count on is that the red flags will always stay the same! The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a red flag as;
a warning sign: a sign that there is a problem that should be noticed or dealt with. Before you decide to get serious with someone you need to acknowledge and deal with any of these red flags. Maybe you may even exhibit some yourself.
- Rushing
Rushing a new relationship can seem nice at first. It can make you feel like that person really wants to be with you, and they need to be with you right this minute. This could be a red flag. The person you are potentially going to be with could be on the rebound or practicing a toxic form of serial monogamy. They could also be thriving off the feeling of feeling to be needed. All are not stable beginnings for a relationship. Make sure you take it slow and really feel out the person and the possible relationship.
- Stuck in the past
If your potential partner is stuck on past relationships, this includes family and friends, this may be a warning sign. If all they can talk about is how much their family/friend/past partner screwed them over and they refuse to recognize the part they played in the relationship, there is a good chance they will do the same to you.
- On a dime
If your potential babes attitude changes quicker than you can blink, you’re going to have problems. Extreme attitude changes are not only confusing, they are emotionally draining. Going from peeved off, to okay, to peeved off, and back again is not something you want to deal with all the time with no explanation.
- Secrets don’t keep friends
If they are secretive about things when you are just getting together, imagine how they will be when you’re in a relationship. Little things or big things, every thing needs to be able to be discussed out in the open. You shouldn’t feel the need to hide things from a partner.
- Jesus take the wheel
The only person that should be controlling your life should be you, and possibly Jesus. Controlling behavior from a partner is dangerous. They may require all your passwords. They may want to know who you are with at all times. “When you are going to be home?” “Why you didn’t answer the phone right away?” They may attempt to isolate you from people and things you enjoy. You are an adult! You have a life! You can control yourself. There is no need for another person to control you.
- Insulting and Derogatory
Your partner should not be insulting you and purposefully hurting your feelings. That’s a sign that they need to keep you down, to make themselves feel better, and that is not healthy. Abuse comes in many forms, verbal and emotional abuse need to be taken very seriously and they are a sign to get out now, and never look back.
- I’m not sorry, EVER
The ability to apologize is needed. If you and your partner get into arguments and they never apologize, it can mean a serious case of narcissism is alive and well. It can also mean that they don’t empathize with your feelings, or they really do blame you for everything, and feel that you are always wrong. All in all, we each need to humble ourselves and apologize when we do something wrong.
- Always taking
Give and take is the cornerstone of any lasting relationship. You do things for your partner. they do things for you, its a tried and true cycle. A major issue is when you always do something for your partner, and they never do anything for you, and then they keep asking! You will wear yourself out quickly, if you are always giving and never being filled back up. Leeches have a bad wrap for a reason.
- Plans? Nah, I like to be free
Being a free spirit is great. Being a free spirit who doesn’t want to do anything that adults should be doing is not okay. Being able to hold a job, take care of themselves and make plans for the future. are signs of a pretty healthy adult. If your partner can’t do that it, may be time to step away and let them figure things out. No one wants to raise an adult baby.
- I barely hit you
If your partner is being physically abusive, even if they try and make excuses run away. Drop everything you are doing, and run far away. Physical violence is not acceptable, ever in a relationship. We are adults! We have pretty decent vocabularies. We use our words. According to http://www.safehorizon.org/, men are victims of nearly 3 million assaults a year and 1 in 4 women will be physically abused.
If you are the victim of physical violence in a relationship and need to get out please call The National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
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Julia Parsons is an Analyst for Couch Rider Report. Follow her on Facebook and Follow/Like us on Facebook or twitter.
