Fantasy Football Draft season is here! In a few weeks, most of us will be logging onto various sports sites and using their software to draft and manage their leagues and teams. A long time ago, back when the internet was barely a thing, fantasy drafts were conducted live in pubs, the comssioner’s living room, basement or backyard. Today, these yearly gatherings are rare. If you ask around, there are many leagues who still draft the old fashion way. If you are, or have, participated in a live draft, you will find that there are certain types of people that do things that will annoy the entire room.
1) The Chatty Guy
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This is the guy who will see another owner struggling to find a pick, and will give away the deep sleeper you were just about to pick up.
For example:
I’m in need of a third running back. I have my eyes set on a guy who could be a steal. Let’s say, Terrence West . The draft snakes around to Round 7. Pick 1 is up and the guy is looking hard at his paperwork.
Pick 1: “Damn, I need a running back. Where is Jonathan Stewart ranked….”
Chatty helpful guy: “No go with Terrence West! ESPN says he’ll be the guy if injury prone Ben Tate goes down.”
Pick 1: “The guy on the Texans?”
Chatty helpful guy: “Oh no silly he’s on the Browns now!”
Pick 1: “Alright, I’ll take Tommy West or whatever.”
Chatty helpful guy: “Ha. No silly It’s Terrence.”
Pick 1: “Oh ha. I mean Terrence.”
Me:@#$%^&*(!!!
2) The Must Answer Every Call Guy
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Example:
Commish: “Ok John you’re up.”
John: “Ok let me get umm… *ring* ring*… One sec guys. Hello? Yeah. Uh huh. Uh huh, right. Ok. Ok. MMhmmm. I see.”
(Then john puts one finger in the air and proceeds to walk out of the room, leaving the rest of us saying, “WTF”.)
3) The Long Distance Guy on Speaker Phone
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Why is this annoying?
A) It always sounds like they’re on a jet plane.
B) His kids are either playing “who could scream the loudest or showing mommy their best Ringo Starr impression on her pots and pans. or the most annoying
C) They never pay attention. Rather then keeping up with the picks, they’re either google image searching boobs or playing Candy Crush.
Example:
Commish: “Jimmy you there?”
Jimmy Speaker phone: (amongst heavy white noise) Kids screaming: MOMMMY. MAAAAA *Bang* Bang* bang* bang* *telephone ring* Jimmys wife: ARE YOU DONE WITH THAT FOOTBALL THING YET?” Jimmy: F**kin relax! IN A SECOND!!!
Commish: “Jimmy!”
Jimmy: “Oh hey sorry guys. Who were the last 5 guys picked.”
Commish: “Brees, Rogers, Julio jones, V. Jax and Ellington ”
Jimmy: “Ok let me get Peyton Manning .”
Commish: “He was taken a long time ago…”
4) The Clueless new guy
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This is the guy who’s never been to a Fantasy draft before. There are positives to this. It’s an easy win and the guy’s horrendous reaches leave you with more of a chance to get the studs.
Positive:
Commish: Round 1 pick 2 goes to the new guy!
New Guy:Alright, let me get… Tony Romo!
Negative:
Commish: Round 11 pick 2 goes back to the new guy!
(new guy stares blankly at ceiling thinking of names he knows because he didn’t bring any magazines or cheat sheets.)
New Guy: Was Rodgers picked yet?
Commish: Yes hours ago.
New guy: Oh um.. how about… Jamon Charles.
Commish: Really? Jamal went hours ago too.
(5 minutes later)
New guy: Maurice Jones Drew ?
Commish: Sure take him.
5) The guy who can’t pronounce any name correctly
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Its usually the older guy with the glasses resting on the bridge of his nose whose mind can’t comprehend a name that isn’t Joe, John, Steve or Mike.
Commish: Danny what’s your pick?
Danny: “Uhh let me get Rodney White”
(Next pick)
Danny: “I guess I’ll take Sean Vereen”
(Next pick)
Danny: “I’ll take Kenneth Allen, WR Chargers”
(Next pick)
Danny: “umm let’s see Tyler Hilton”
6) Guy using a year old Fantasy Magazine
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This guy was too cheap or lazy to go out and purchase a new magazine and or do his research.
Example:
Commish: “Alright third round 1st pick, Pete you’re up!”
Pete: “Ok… I’ll take Tony Gonzalez”
Commish: “he’s retired”
Pete: “oh… Sweet look whose still on the board. I’ll take Eagles QB Michael Vick !”
Commish: “ok… You got it…”
Despite the annoying people you encounter, a live draft is a special thing. It’s a time where you could truly feel like the owner of your very own sports franchise sitting in your war room, which consists of a lawn chair, a stack of Fantasy magazines on your left knee and a clipboard on your right. Happy Drafting everyone!
P.J. Conley is a Writer for Couch Rider Report. Follow us on Facebook or twitter.
