Recently, I was asked:
“What do you do when you don’t want to practice a kink your partner wants you to?”
This got me thinking, what do you do? The answer is more simple than you think.
YOU CAN SAY NO!
NO-Sboneham-Flickr
That is it, that is acceptable and that is all you need. There is this weird trend going around that you owe people reasons for your answers, when in reality you don’t, ever. Your “NO” should be respected.
If your partner presses you for more, you can respectfully explain that “NO” is a sacred word. You do not have to explain why you do not want to do something with your body that you do not want to do. That “NO” should be respected, and they have the right to say NO without an excuse as well.
Explanations…helpful, but NOT Mandatory
If you feel that that is rude, of course explain your “NO”. Explain the reasons why you do not want to do something. These can include so many things and should be talked about reasonably. Some reasons may include;
- Aversion to pain
- Fear
- Dislike
- Other people finding out
- Against ones morals
- Against ones religion
Whatever your reason, explain this to your partner, if you want to. Do not explain because you are bullied or badgered but solely on the fact that you want your partner to understand.
Once you have said NO and explained the why, if you choose, your partner should accept it. If they do not, it may show a sign that they lack respect for you. Badgering and bullying you into doing something is not acceptable. You should plainly point out if and when your partner is quilting you, badgering you or bullying you. You can explain how this is disrespectful towards you, and that they probably would not like it if you did this to them. Now, you need to get to the root of the issue. Is this something your partner needs or just a passing fancy they want to try?
Phase or Deal-breaker?
If the thing they want to try sexually is a need, you then have three options. Option one is to do this thing. If you can justify doing this thing, great. The second option is to try and find a replacement for the said thing. If they like pain, but you do not want to hurt them, try using nipple clamps, you don’t have to use them and they still feel the pain. Lastly, if it is a hard NO, figure out if this is a relationship breaker or not. A satisfying sex life is very important to some people, so their kinks need to be done. If you can not or will not do it for your partner and they are unhappy, you need to have the discussion of seeing other people, instead of being stressed.
Now, if this is just a passing fancy, you can talk about what brought it on. You can explain why this is not attractive to you and how it makes you feel. Recognize that they want it, but it is too much for you. After that you can see if you can agree on something new to try, compromise is a very good thing and spicing up your sex life with mutually agreed upon acts is great! In the end, sometimes you can’t make a compromise or find something that you both agree to try and that is okay, as long as you and your partner respect each others “NO”.
I would love to hear some topics that you guys would want to read about, feel free to leave me a comment or email the page!
Julia Parsons is an Analyst for Couch Rider Report. Follow her on Facebook and Follow/Like us on Facebook or twitter.