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A million questions…
Relationships are confusing all by themselves. Then you have to add sex into the mix, which makes it even more confusing than before. WebMD has put out an article about relationships, and one of their tips for saving yours is related to your sex life! How important is sex? Do I have to do it?
Just because I say yes to the relationship, does that mean we have to have sex soon? What if I’m not ready? What if it’s not good? There are a million questions related to sex and relationships, there are a million articles about this subject, some good and some not so good. I am going to attempt to make this a quick and easy guide to Relationship Sexpectations.
Importance
“Do I have to? Is it that important?”
Sex importance varies from relationship to relationship. There are those who never want to have sex. I’m looking at you, my asexual friends. And then there are those who are always up to have sex. Most people fall right in the middle somewhere, where sexual chemistry and having sex is an important part of a healthy relationship to them. But ultimately, no, you never have to have sex, if you don’t want to.
Obligation
“I feel obligated to have sex, now that we are together.”
No! No, no, no, a million times no! Sex should never be an obligation. Sex is intimate, sex is fun, sex is a bonding time, sex is a release. If you are having sex out of obligation and not want, I strongly feel that you need to reevaluate the situation that you are in. At the end of the day, your body is yours and you should never feel obligated to give it to another person.
Consent
“How do I say no? I feel bad.”
Let us start off with a simple rule, just because I said yes once, does not mean every time is going to be a yes. That is how sex and consent work. You have every right to decide when you have sex, and you should not feel shamed when saying no. Now it may be a little disappointing to your partner, but they always have other options if you are not in the mood. They could go running. They could do some homework. They could do some chores. They could even masturbate. Your bodies are never going to align 100%, and that is okay!
Communication
“The sex just isn’t all that great, what can we do?”
You can talk about it! Communication is the key to a fulfilling and exciting sex life. A close friend of mine Dee Arem stated:
“Not every relationship needs sex or focuses on sex. Couples don’t necessarily need to even be sexually compatible, to make relationships work. BUT I feel all partners involved should still be satisfied.”
Satisfaction comes from communication. What do you want? What are your needs? What do you like and dislike? How do you feel? Don’t be scared to tell a partner you don’t like something, and let them know when they are tickling your fancy. It will lead to more satisfaction and less letdowns.
TL;DR
The short and sweet here is your sex life is yours. It is unique to you and unique to your partner. You won’t get very far if you are not being an open and honest person. If you feel pressured, take a step back and talk. Figure out what is going on. If you do not want to, say it, it’s okay. If you feel like you guys may not be compatible, that can always be fixed! At the end of the day, you deserve the most satisfying, awe inspiring sex life you can have and you are the only person in charge of that!
I would love to hear some topics that you guys would want to read about, feel free to leave me a comment or email the page!
Julia Parsons is an Analyst for Couch Rider Report. Follow her on Facebook and Follow/Like us on Facebook or twitter.